last month in the city

shiitake caps and bok choy fried in garlic, soy sauce, and sesame oil

I have rediscovered the joy of instant cameras. Thanks to my dear friend+castmate Renee and the Instax she keeps backstage, I was inspired to dig out my OG Polaroid Sun 660, on which the majority of these photos were taken. Not to get all “I wAs iNtO iT bEfOrE iT wAs biG”, but I bought this camera back when the only option for film was through The Impossible Project, which had vowed to continue the instant film production that Polaroid had abandoned. Now, The Impossible Project is simply Polaroid¹, film is widely available, and there are even several new camera models. GOD I LOVE IT I LOVE THE TANGIBLE AND IMPERFECT.

Liza and I on a day trip to Santa Barbara.

Liza’s beautiful new tattoo of our mom’s handwriting. “hi sweetheart” it says. We can both hear her saying it so clearly.

Disneyland day! Actually we spent most of our time on the California Adventure side. We decided the best way to enjoy the parks is to not worry about fitting every ride into the day, and just vibe.

It was at this point, finally, that we realized you did not in fact have to have the flash on to take a picture outside in broad daylight.

In other news, my family came to see my show! The only other time I felt such nerves was opening night! which was surprising to me. But it’s because I cared so much that they had a good time and enjoyed it, which they did. It all went well, and we felt the absence of my mother strongly. She should’ve been sitting in the row with them, I thought, as I blinked away tears during bows. I hope she was there watching.

I’ve been swatting away grief like a fly lately. I just get so tired of being sad and it takes up so much time. So of course it feels better to laugh. To distract myself with almost childishly trivial shit. Agh. I know it’ll catch up to me anyway. I’m here whether you like it or not.

We are finally in full swing moving out mode. I’m getting sadder and sadder to leave my Avenue Q family. Sometimes, you just hit it out of the park with a cast. And then the show closes and you probably never see them again. It’s the deal you enter into when you audition for anything. From NBC’s Smash (lol) (iykyk):

This is what theatre is. It is joy one day and its gone the next.

Lawl, what a great idea I had to leave everyone I know and uproot my life to bop all over the place in the midst of an already immense upheaval. Ah, well. I can’t let it stop me. Just stuff the sadness in my carry-on. It’s not going anywhere. But I’ve got places to go and things to do.

Okay. Bye bye. Happy women’s day! Watch this sick ass performance.

1. a great article about this serendipitous and oddly uplifting turn of events: https://techcrunch.com/2020/03/27/weve-come-full-rectangle-polaroid-is-reborn-out-of-the-impossible-project/